Friday, 19 January 2018

An Interview With My Boyfriend

'The Boyfriend Tag' is something that I've seen floating about all over the blogging and youtube world for years now and having a partner that is literally o f f t h e g r i d when it comes to anything social media, I thought it would be fun to change it up a little and give you guys an insight into his very hermit style life. And of course to prove he is actually real to those who don't know us personally as he is relentlessly against me taking pictures of him so I only have a handful of old drunken pics of us that even proves he exists, how romantic, eh? ;) You'd think after almost 5 years together he'd be more open to couple pics but never mind, I'm not mad... :P

Instead of doing the typical tag questions where I trivia him on facts about our relationship, we decided to do a more traditional style interview on himself, as let's be honest, he's way more interesting than I am and has lived a much more exciting life so far! So without further ado, if you're here for a nose or just fancy a little giggle, do read on.

What is your full name? 
Dane Paul Johnson.

Where were you born? 
St Helier Hospital Carshalton but was raised in Croydon/Wallington.

What is one of your earliest childhood memories?
At playschool, as many mornings as I can remember, I would waltz into the room and before my day started I would grab my favourite acrylic dinosaur (Ankylosaurus) and would go over to the desk with my friend and we'd sit down opposite each other and eat PVA glue whilst staring each other down. Just cos we could.

What is your favourite book?
Though it's a series it would have to be the Edge Chronicles books. I've always been a huge fan of the ol' swords and sorcery, high fantasy, nitty and gritty type books - these ones had such a great sense of adventure - they were innocent, and at times had early adulthood properties alongside the raw realities of the real world. You could never get too attached to a character because tragedy may be around the corner and yet it was just another world in itself, adventure lurking out there waiting to be explored! 

Who is your favourite musician/band? 
Without a shadow of a doubt at this moment in time, and for the past few years, The Neighbourhood. I cant think of a mood that I can be in that I don't fancy giving them a listen, they cover all aspects while retaining their originality. Just pure quality. They definitely deserve more recognition. 

What is one thing you couldn't live without?
Gaming. I am a huge nerd, like, of epic proportions. I don't ever try to hide it, it's made me who I am and in so many ways has affected my personality and shaped me. But I don't regret it at all, I feel like I guess its affected me in positive ways (aside from the nerd rage, gawd. My rage is monumental at times.) 

Where is the favourite place you've ever travelled too? 
Undisputed, would have to be Vancouver in Canada. The people, the culture, everything. As far as I know, I don't believe there is a closer place to paradise in this world. Life goals.

What's the craziest thing you've ever done? 
Ahh dude, a lot of things. If we're talking strictly non-judgmental, it would have to be one of my experiences with ecstasy. Each experience varied but one time, in a club, I just grabbed this pill and swallowed it blindly. (I expect anyone reading this will be like "What a silly thing to do", well, indeedy, it was. I don't do drugs anymore, have been clean for years; this was during my teenage years in Australia, we were all young once!) I remember there I was on the middle of the 'D-floor' throwing shapes like a boss until suddenly it hit me, from the feet all the way up the spine to my brain, you feel it - it's a chemical reaction, like goosebumps all the way through your body; it lasts roughly 5-10 seconds. It was like musical statues only the music was still pumping and everyone else was dancing except me. Dude it was like someone had just poured half a tonne of concrete onto my feet and chucked an elephant on the back of my neck for good measure. I was staring at the floor, unable to move and just like... I can't even explain it, maybe catatonic. It was the most peculiar feeling, I was still there, but not, maybe just not mentally. From there I realized something was very wrong. Everything just went slow-mo, I could feel my tongue muscles swallowing saliva in the slowest way possible, although everything around me was still going so fast, it was like being in a parallel universe. Naturally after beginning to panic I think where is my brother, he'll be out in the smokers area, so off I go to find Max Johnson; moving like a crab so not to fall off the face of the earth. I finally rendezvous with Max - now this is how I know it's bad - me and Max have done a lot of drugs together in our time in Oz, yet in this situation he did something that he's never done before and his face dropped when he saw me and he goes 'Oh Dane.'  He promptly took me to the bar and gave me water, telling me just to focus on him and not anything around me and I realized boy I was pinging. It was like telling Jesus not to preach. Not a thing slipped by my eyes in that room. He then escorted me to side of the dance floor where there were seats and he kept an eye on me as he continued with his night. Before long, a girl that was just as off her chops as I was found herself seated beside me. Now I don't know what brought her to this as I was trying to ignore her and collect myself, but she then sat there and proceeded to lick my face like a loving dog would do to their owner. I was speechless. Not because of shock, because of the pill. Anyway to conclude the story - I made it home safely, one of my friends drove an hour and a half to pick me up bless him, I dreamed lucidly that night of being a mushroom with legs wearing little red booties, riding up and down an dream ever. Moral of the story though kids, don't do drugs.

What is the proudest moment of your life?

29th June 2017 9:40, the birth of our baby Cass.
It's hard to put into words, the feeling of watching your son come into this was an overwhelming sensation of emotions, but mostly pride. I shared a hug with my mum and we both had a little tear up as our family tree sprouted a new branch. 

What is your dream job? 

If it's not being one of those ultra-nerds waffling away in history documentaries (ancient history), it would have to be talking extensively at a museum. I love that shit.

If you could be any animal, what would you be?

A mountain goat. I think in life they find themselves in really peculiar and obscure situations. I don't just mean metaphorically, I mean literally. But if we're talking about me, it would probably be metaphorically. They are just surreal and simple and happy go lucky...and awesome. 

What is your biggest fear?

Oompa f**king loompas. Without a shadow of a doubt. When I first watched the original Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory, being deaf at the time, all of these kids go into this factory and do stupid stuff that gets them taken away by the oompa loompas (never to be seen again) who have no facial expressions, are weird looking and are basically psychopaths. The whole movie just seems like a slaughter factory to a little deaf boy that didn't understand what was happening. Ughhhhhhh. Nope.

What is your biggest regret?
As I mentioned earlier, I am huge gaming nerd and I remember when I was young my mum took me to visit my nan in the hospital who was dying from cancer, but I had literally just received a copy of Dynasty Warriors 2 or 3 - which is now one of my all time favourite game series to play - and being a young kid, I was way more interested in reading the manual and getting home to play it than going in to see my nan. Little did I know, that would be one of her last days and I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I know I was young and didn't think any better at the time, but it hurts every time I look back at it now.

Do you have any secret talents?
I am exceptionally good at dancing. Not to blow my own horn or anything, but I am an absolute prodigy on the D-floor. Dance battle me bro.

Name 3 famous people you'd like to meet, dead or alive.

DJ Khaled 
The dude is an embodiment of a meme and has that feel good vibe with a zest for life. If he doesn't make you laugh then you're dead inside.
Gordon Ramsay 

He single handedly inspired me to get in the kitchen and cook up some mean dishes and probably partially got me into masochism (because I'd love to be insulted by him). 
Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) 
I've not only always really loved his music, I thought he was quality in Community and Atlanta and he seems really down to earth and humble. I think there's more to him than everybody makes out so I'd love to pick his thoughts.

What's your #1 place in the world that you want to visit?

Japan, for historical and tourist reasons. I'm in love with the culture, everything seems to make so much sense there. There's so much depth and traditions that are super intriguing and they haven't forgotten their heritage which is admirable. Me and Jess are definitely planning on backpacking there when we've saved enough money.

Most memorable piece of advice you've ever received?

Don't dwell on the past.

Who was your role model growing up?
Zhao Yun from the Three Kingdoms time period, just because as a person he always had these values and no matter the circumstances, he always stood by them. During the most warring and chaotic time of almost any historical time period arguably, he was incredibly honourable and brave, never standing down from a fight. He taught me a lot of lessons as I was growing up, I even have him tattooed on my arm.

If you had to live in a fictional world from literature, which world would you choose?
Discworld from the Terry Pratchett novels. 
The world is almost as absurd as our own. RIP Terry.

If you could live in any era, what would it be and why?
The Ancient Roman era because it was quite a free style of living, providing you weren't a slave. If you were born in the right social standing, you got to do whatever you wanted - it was a very hedonist society.
But in a more traditional sense, the Sengoku period of Japan, despite the internal conflict. There's just something about it. I read the book Shogun and it was so fascinating, it has a certain magic to it; an untouched culture by any other influences than their own. I would have to be a samurai though, wouldn't fancy getting my head cut off for incorrectly plucking a chicken or something!

Most influential movie you've ever watched?
300. Not so much for deep reasons, more so that it inspired me to work my ass off in the gym to get tanky. Not that you'd know anymore as having a newborn baby taking over my life has truly fudged my routine...but I'll get back to it, don't you worry.

Favourite thing about your girlfriend? ;)
Her bum! Haha, just kidding - or am I? She's really cute and funny and manages to surprise me even after 4 and a half years together which I find really adorable.



  1. Ahhh my heart melted at his proudest moment!

    Jessica & James | /

  2. Awwww this is sooo sweet, really put a smile on my face! Love reading these tags x

  3. aww this is so cute, I love reading posts like these x

  4. Aww such a sweet tag! The fear of Oompa Loompas made me laugh! I would love to visit Japan too! Great post, I think it would be fun to quiz my boyfriend for a future blog post <3 xx

    Bexa |

  5. Love your unique take on this tag! Interesting read!

  6. What a cute post!! Looking forward to more of your work :)

  7. Love posts lile this , its so sweet xx Talia


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